Japanese etiquette mistakes in Friendship

The code of ethics in Japan regulates the expectations of social behavior in the country and is considered very important. Like many social cultures, etiquette varies greatly depending on one's status relative to the person concerned.
So is the thing.
When you have a friend in Japan. You must pay attention to ethics.
On my blog, I will explain some things about ethics that must be played when friends.

1. Talking about yourself and showing off
You’re probably not going to win friends and influence people at a party when you say “well enough about me, what do you think about me?”. In Japan, modesty is a virtue, so cutting down on the me, me, me and the blah, blah, blah is a good idea. Japanese people tend to be a little more reserved when talking about their accomplishments. So try to resist going on and on about how incredibly amazing you think you are.

If you do show off, your Japanese friends will obligingly laugh, clap and compliment you on what a wonderful human being you are. They’ll then go home and immediately complain about what a boorish showoff you are… Also, try to listen more when someone else is speaking. Japanese people tend to interrupt each other much less than we crazy foreigners do.

2. Never apologizing

You can never apologize enough in Japan. Here are the two golden rules:

1) If it’s your fault, apologize.

Example: I’m so sorry I’m late. I’m a worthless, pathetic excuse for a human being. Please slap me in the face. (see point 3)

2) If it’s not your fault, apologize

Example: I’m so sorry for the terrible weather.

OK, I’m only slightly kidding here. However, a sincere apology with a large helping of modesty related to how awful you are goes a long way to repair relations when you mess up. It shows that you are grown up enough to accept responsibility for your transgressions. It’s the social glue that holds relationships together showing modesty and good will between people.

Now, there are times when you mess up big time. I’m talking about one of early afternoons when you wake up in strange hotel room somewhere in Tokyo, with a baby tiger and perhaps a body in the bath. Or perhaps you didn’t apologize enough or a similarly terrible crime. Then you need a letter of apology. That is the nuclear option and in some cases, literally speaking, your get out of jail free card.

3. Passing food with your chopsticks

It’s really not polite to pass food with your chopsticks to someone else’s chopsticks. This action is reminiscent of a funeral where the cremated bones of the deceased are passed along using ceremonial chopsticks. Some other chopstick rules:

– When not eating, place your chopsticks on the chopstick rest in front of your bowl or plate.

– Don’t fiddle or play with them

– Never stick them vertically in a bowl of rice.

4. Pouring your own drink in public.

This isn’t a deadly sin but when drinking with friends, it is considered good manners to pour other people’s beer and not your own. So at the beginning of a drinking session someone will usually offer to pour your beer. Hold the glass as they pour and then pour their beer. Someone will usually make sure that everyone is topped up during your meal or drinking session. Do that and you’ll impress your Japanese friends.

In conclusion, I would say it’s somewhat of a myth that Japan has a set of esoteric, indecipherable social rules of conduct that barbaric foreigners could never work out. With a bit of common sense, decency and respect towards your fellow human being, you’ll be fine on your travels to Japan. Added to that, the Japanese are highly forgiving, friendly and hospitable people. At least, they’ll be kind enough to not directly tell you that you’re a rude, inconsiderate, barbaric slob.