Some things about male friendship that confuse Japanese women

TOKYO
Having grown up in a family of three boys, the male psyche never really seemed like such a complex thing to me. The three major pillars of proper conduct were sticking up for yourself, keeping your car clean, and watching as much football as possible, the virtues of which all seem pretty self-evident to me.

Still, from the feminine perspective, there are a number of mysteries of the male mind, as evidenced this list of puzzling aspects of male friendship that’s been making its way around the Japanese.

1. If they both fall for the same girl, neither one of them will go after her

Japan may have its own set of cultural norms, but this part of the bro code seems to transcend national borders. Especially in Japan, where giving up on what you want because it might make someone else feel bad is always seen as an admirable decision, it’s not hard to see why this happens.

In a way, it’s a touching way to handle the situation. Sure, unrequited love stings, and knowing your bud is going through the same thing makes it doubly painful. But look on the bright side. This way, when some dude they hate comes along and sweeps the girl off her feet, neither friend will have to be alone in plotting bitter, bitter revenge on their shared enemy.

2. When one of their friends gets dumped, they want to set him up with a new girl right away

Even in their darkest moments, when they’ve hit bottom after their most painful breakups, men are largely unable to give up on women as a gender. Guys don’t say, “I’ll never date again!” because we know that a lack of female companionship condemns us to a life filled of exclusively fast food meals, an unshaven neck, and an empty bed. Dating is largely a man’s ticket to enjoying the finer things in life, so when we see one of our own cast out of paradise, we feel the urge to help him get back in.

Plus, aside from finding someone new to love, getting staggering drunk is the only other way men know how to mend a broken heart, and you can only do that with your newly single buddy so many times before your liver starts to say, “You know, maybe it’s time we helped find a new girlfriend for Kazu?

3. They won’t tell their friends about their new girlfriend until after they have one

Taken literally, this seems to be more an aspect of the space-time continuum than male friendship. Really, we can think of only one scenario in which someone could brag to his pals about his new girlfriend who he already knows he’ll have in the future. In general, though, the kind of guy who pre-orders a sex doll and refers to it as his “girlfriend” even before taking delivery won’t be able to retain many friends to talk with in the first place.

We’re guessing what’s confusing for women isn’t so much that guys can’t see into the future, but that they don’t talk much about that girl who they’re this close to making it exclusive with. It’s a valid observation, and it stems from the fact that men like to keep their options open. Even if Taro goes out for dinner with Hanako once or twice a week, if he still has any desire to play the field, he’s got nothing to gain by broadcasting his feelings for her to his friends, especially in light of the next item on the list.

4.They don’t ask each other for advice in their love life

It’s true, guys are more likely to tell each other about their romantic conquests than their difficulties. Guys, in general, aren’t exactly comfortable showing vulnerability to one another, it takes a lot of trust to be able to say to your buddy, “I don’t know how to get this girl to like me” without worrying that he won’t take that as a sign of weakness, and therefore a cue to beat you up and take your wallet.